Dear Pauline ......
I was recently hired by a local newspaper to
investigate the value of short term car insurance. The assignment called
for me to put myself in different driving situations and report on the
importance of short term car insurance. I drank a pint of homemade
moonshine and got started.
My first test was to get into an accident on purpose and see if the
insurance company paid for the damages. To make sure it appeared like a
real life scenario, I went to the pub and bought drinks for everyone in
the house. I did this for 3 hours and took three of my drinking partners
out for a drive. I dared my friend in the passenger seat to cover my
eyes while I drove. He did as I asked and we crashed head first into a
street sign. The police arrived and locked us all up.
When I awoke the next morning, my head hurt from my hangover and I had a
scrape on my knee. The guard came and let me out to see the magistrates.
I explained that I was conducting an experiment about short term car
insurance and they let me go without charges. I drove to see my
insurance agent and told him about the accident. He called me an idiot,
but said my insurance would indeed cover the accident.
My next test consisted of drinking all day and then ploughing my car
into the library. Although no children were injured, I did create a lot
of damage to the building and many adults died. Again, I made a visit to
the insurance man and found out that I was completely covered for this
accident as well. The agent called me an idiot once more and told me to
get out of his office.
For my grand finale, I drank for three days straight and loaded my
shotgun. I placed the gun in my car and drove down High Street shooting
at pedestrians and slamming the car into anything that moved. After
fifteen minutes of pure mayhem, the cops pulled me over and handcuffed
me to a light post. They left me there until the next day when I
appeared before the magistrates again. I told them about my literary
assignment for the second time and they let me go free.
I went straight to the insurance office to see if my short term car
insurance would come through for me again. The agent said the policy
doesn’t cover me if I shoot people in the face with a shotgun. He also
informed me that my insurance had been cancelled and said he never
wanted to see me again.
I wrote the article for the newspaper, explaining the different driving
tests I performed to test my insurance policy. It created quite a stir
when readers realized they weren’t covered when shooting people in the
face while driving.