Letters to the Editor

Problem Pages

True Stories **
** At least our editor swears that they're true. But he's a lying toerag.

 

Dear Pauline ......

The Society Against Prejudices (SAPs) have been fighting with the insurance industry recently over what they perceive as discrimatory language. It seems that SAPs have a problem with the term “short term car insurance” and are demanding the name be changed to “vertically-challenged car insurance”. Both sides have been at the bargaining table in recent weeks and it appears that SAPs have achieved their objective. From now on, short term car insurance will be known by the new name.

SAPs spokesman, Seymour Twit, held a press conference after the agreement, stating the world will be a safer place now that the offensive insurance title has been changed. When asked how the world will be safer, Twit responded that SAPs are always right and shouldn’t be questioned. Mr. Twit has always been backed by The Establishment and his response to the question didn’t even raise an eyebrow.

A little background on Mr. Twit might be in order. Twit was once legal counsel for the Citizens Rally Against Pollution (CRAP) and president of the controversial group Families Are Real Threats (FART). Even as a youngster, the little Twit would find himself arguing against things that didn’t seem to matter. His father said his son would often lobby against his own dinner and insist his mother pay him compensation for damages incurred by the sight of broccoli on his plate.

Before Twit was installed as counsel for SAPs, the position was held by Ms. Ima Ho from Thailand. Ima Ho held the strange position for several years before being ousted by Twit. In a battle that made headlines world-wide, Twit achieved power by convincing the membership there was no room for a Ho in the organization. Either out of confusion, or ignorance, the members of SAPs voted out Ho and installed Twit in her place. Seymour Twit’s uncle, Irving, led the pact for many years during the 50’s and 60’s. There has been a Twit at the helm of SAPs, more often than not.

The once powerful insurance industry has seen its clout diminish over the last few years and SAP's victory over short term car insurance is just another setback for the beleaguered sector. It is unsure if the name change will result in higher rates for consumers, but it is expected it will. Insurance rates have gone up every month since the beginning of time and there is no reason to believe it won’t continue in that direction.