Letters to the Editor

Problem Pages

True Stories **
** At least our editor swears that they're true. But he's a lying toerag.


Dear Pauline ......

My wife and I had a discussion about short term car insurance last week. Apparently, our little baby boy, PeePee, overheard what we were talking about. I had mentioned that just about anyone could get short term car insurance and be free to drive anywhere. PeePee must have thought I meant babies could drive as well, as he somehow purchased a policy for himself.

We found out about his short term car insurance one morning after we awoke. My wife went to PeePee’s room to get him out of the crib and he was gone. We looked all over the house, but couldn’t find the baby anywhere. I found a note by the front door that PeePee had written. It said he had bought a short term car insurance policy and was driving to the beach to feed the sharks. I didn’t even know he could write!

I drove to the beach in our other car and located PeePee just as he was wading out to the ocean with a pot roast hanging around his neck. The sharks could already smell the meat and were circling PeePee as he ventured further out. I ran to the shore and dived in after my little baby. I grabbed him and carried him back to dry sand as sharks bit at my legs and sometimes shot out of the water at the dangling beef.

When we made it ashore there was quite a crowd gathered. One woman yelled at me for letting my baby swim by himself with a pot roast around his neck. A big, burly man asked how PeePee had got to the beach by himself. I explained that anyone who has short term car insurance can drive. He made me mad by insinuating I wasn’t a good parent. Heck, some parents let their babies drive without any insurance at all. Now that’s a bad parent in my eyes.

A policeman came out of the crowd and demanded to see the baby’s policy. PeePee pulled the paper out of his soiled nappy and handed it to him. The policeman was satisfied and put the document back in the nappy and wished us a good day. This didn’t make the rest of the crowd happy, however. Some yelled that babies shouldn’t feed sharks pot roasts and others screamed something about babies being poor drivers. I ignored their claims and headed to the car with PeePee.

I placed PeePee into the child car seat that he had moved to the driver’s seat and I got in my own car. I followed PeePee back to the house and was surprised to find that he was such a good driver. It bothered me to find he smokes cigarettes while he drives though. His mother was relieved to have little PeePee back home so that she could change his nappy before his little legs got chapped. What a debt we owe to the two essentials of baby care - Johnson's Baby Powder and short term car insurance!