Letters to the Editor

Problem Pages

True Stories **
** At least our editor swears that they're true. But he's a lying toerag.


Dear Pauline ......

Before I go out for the evening, I bring out my checklist and go over it; making sure I don’t miss anything. Shower? Check. Clean clothes? Check. Money? Check. Short term car insurance? Check. Someone once asked me why I had short term car insurance on my list and I explained that I can’t drive without it, can I? Duh.

I had never been on a date before and was a little nervous when I pulled up in front of Betty’s house. Everyone has to have a first date and just because I’m 44 years old doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me. I’m just very picky about who I see and besides; my mother said men shouldn’t start dating until they reach their 50’s. I’m kind of a rebel and didn’t want to wait any longer to experience the thrill of going out with a woman.

Betty answered her door and was looking stunning. For a woman in her 70’s, she looked hot! I made a mental note to thank Mum when I returned for setting me up with her. Betty treated me like a son at first, but I think as she warmed up to me, her inner-woman awoke. She still ordered for me when the waiter arrived at our table, but I think she was secretly fantasizing about being alone with me later. For a large woman she didn’t eat much dinner. She did have a sweet tooth though and ordered 4 bowls of ice cream for dessert. She ate it all very fast and let out a contented burp when she was done licking the bowls. I was becoming more attracted by the minute!

After we were done with dinner, I asked her where she would like to go. She said she would really like to go to the market to buy groceries. I was thrilled at the prospect of walking up and down the aisles with my date for the entire world to see. Also, while pushing a shopping cart, she wouldn’t need to use her walker, as she could just hold onto the cart for support. Betty looked even more appealing without her walker and I was mesmerized by her beauty as we shopped together.

After we finished shopping I was allowed to escort Betty into her house with her groceries. Her house was very elegant and I was enthralled by the artwork on the walls. She was obviously a well-travelled woman, as indicated by the felt painting of a matador fighting a charging bull drawn by a Tijuana artist.

One thing bothered me about Betty. She said she had never purchased short term car insurance because she doesn’t drive. I told her I always have short term car insurance, even if I don’t have a car. I wished her well and went home.