Letters to the Editor

Problem Pages

True Stories **
** At least our editor swears that they're true. But he's a lying toerag.


Dear Pauline ......

It’s been 14 days since my temporary car insurance ran out. I had purchased a 3 month policy and the time went by in a flash. I drove all over the country in those 90 days and I’m itching to get some more temporary car insurance and hit the road again. You see, in my line of work, it doesn’t pay to get regular insurance. I work for 3 months and then get three months off. If I didn’t purchase temporary insurance, I’d be wasting my money by covering a car that isn’t being driven.

I first became a circus freak at the age of 6. I was born a normal size baby, but grew to over 6 feet tall before my 10th birthday. I was wooed by a circus that was passing through town and with my mother’s blessing, I travelled the seaside as a curiosity in the freak show. It was a pretty good job, but as I aged into my height, I was required to re-invent myself in order to still be considered an oddity. I chose to have horns implanted under my skin on my forehead. I then tattooed my entire head and face a deep red colour. I became the Demon-Boy and then the Demon-Man.

I enjoy travelling non-stop with the circus. It has allowed me to see places and people that few normal citizens ever get a chance to experience. I even met the infamous Demon-Girl last year that led to a whirl-wind romance, before she dumped me for the Man ‘O Steel. I was able to get over the break-up pretty easily, due to the steady stream of dates I had afterwards. It seems there are a lot of young ladies that are attracted to the darker side of things.

When the circus stops for an extended break, I head home and wash my car. I need it ready for my next road trip. Of course, I call my agent and he issues me a new temporary car insurance policy right over the phone. Now I’m protected against any potential losses that I would otherwise incur if I left myself unprotected. It’s a good feeling.

I think my next adventure will be to the coast. I enjoy walking down the beach with just my bathing suit and horns. It attracts a lot of negative attention, but it also attracts the bathing-beauties on the sand. I love to dive into the ocean and feel my horns glide through the water as I swim. I’m probably the only one that knows that feeling – except, of course Demon-Girl.

I guess I do miss Demon-Girl and I might just swing by her house on the way to the coast next week. Thanks to temporary car insurance, the world is my oyster!