Dear Pauline ......
I suppose I'm not exactly every woman's ideal man,
being short, shifty, flatulent and the possessor of a few blackened
teeth that would frighten a banshee but as assistant frier at the
BargainBoozeN'Burgers store (motto : "Do you really want
fries with that?") I meet a few women from time to time and one night
Jennifer, a little worse for wear on our bargain line in cheap
Venezuelan lager actually agreed to come out with me the following
night! I have money in my pocket, a clean shirt, a full packet of mouth
fresheners, but one big problem; no car.
Luckily my brother is the proud owner of a shiny new XK Jaguar which is
completely wasted on him because he's already married so who does he
need to impress? A quick phone call and a reminder about the threesome
in Sheffield he told me about in an unguarded moment (his wife Sandra
would just love to hear about it) and the keys were mine for the
weekend. Next problem; what to do about car insurance? No worries, I've
lived a short term life since I was born so buying short term car
insurance was second nature to me.
Friday night I'm parked outside Jennifer's house honking the horn; she
let me blast it three times just to show that she wasn't so desperate to
see me but as she wobbled out on her high heels and saw the XK she
looked as though she was about to faint with desire. After a few halves
of lager at the Dog and Bucket she decided that a wedding in August
would be ideal and she would like three kids, two girls and a boy. This
was not really what I wanted to hear so I dropped her off making vague
promises about the future but, hang on, I still have the keys until
Sunday sees me parked on the beach where a lovely lady suggested that I
put suntan lotion on her back, and we made plans for an interesting
evening later. I never realised that temporary car insurance, the
sexiest product on Earth, could make me irresistible to women!