Dear Pauline ......
September 24, 2012, a date that will never be
forgotten. When the aliens started arriving at daybreak, there was a
sense of disbelief throughout the town. We could see them with our own
eyes, but the sight was too much to comprehend. As the saucers landed,
one by one in the field over by the old water tower, and then proceed to
drive down the road on their tiny wheels, people were unable to move
from their front porches. It was as if the aliens had already controlled
the minds of the resident population. It was, in fact, just pure fear
that paralyzed the locals. Fear, mixed with concern. Did the aliens have
short term car insurance or were they were a typical bunch of young,
inexperienced and uninsured drivers? People around here don’t look too
kindly when saucers land in their backyard and drive round the side
roads without the protection of short term car insurance.
Once the last saucer had landed and completed yet another hour of
screeching round the corners on two wheels with a ghetto blaster on
maximum volume, doors opened from the vessels and tiny aliens poured out
in numbers. It seemed there were thousands of little green men piling
out of each one and soon the small town was like a living, moving green
blob. The creatures roamed in all directions, eating paint off any wood
surface they came across. Perhaps, a diet high in lead was needed to
keep them alive? No one really knows, but we do know that the town was
left without a drop of paint and every house was stripped of its
Of course, this was the day that little Timmy Jones became a household
name around the globe. If it hadn’t been for little Timmy’s quick mind
and logical thinking, I wouldn’t be here to tell you about the alien
encounter. As I’m sure you know (who doesn’t?) Timmy walked to the barn
behind his home and returned with a can of paint-thinner. He poured the
thinner into paper cups and handed them to all the neighbours. Timmy
figured out that the opposite of paint is paint-thinner and the aliens
would flee when they saw what he had.
After pouring out the last cup, Timmy walked towards the alien mass. The
aliens excitedly shuffled toward Timmy, apparently to kill the young
lad, or at least probe him with medical devices. When the crowd of green
pests were almost upon him, Timmy threw his cup of paint-thinner at
them. Any alien that came into contact with the thinner melted like a
candle in a microwave. The neighbours cheered and ran to join Timmy,
splashing the deadly liquid onto all the little green paint eaters.
Surveying the scene the next day, I found only green puddles of goo
scattered across the field. I accidentally found that urinating on the
puddle would make it disappear completely. With help from my drinking
mates, we made all the puddles disappear in no time.
No short term car insurance policy was ever found at the scene. This
upset the mayor who sold short term car insurance in his spare time.